she looked like the bat from fern gully.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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