i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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