I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
