I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
