i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
