Apparently you make a good broom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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