Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
