paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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