I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
