I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize