my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
