I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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