If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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