Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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