New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
