20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
