omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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