I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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