she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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