she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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