yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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