Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
