i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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