This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
