he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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