I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
