Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
