We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
