you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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