At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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