So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
