you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think people are normalizing furries
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
