i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
