I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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