I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
