I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
