My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
