Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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