Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
