You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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