After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
