I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was confusing and full of hummus
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
