what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
