did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
