Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
