I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
