Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
