Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
