Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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