so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
