so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
