Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
