My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
