I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
