i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
