i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
