Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ketchup is God's man juice
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
