There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
