i barfeds in our rink
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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