11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
