my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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