mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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