I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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