some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
