***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
