D3 body, D1 cock
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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