can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
