She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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