Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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