he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
