I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
