she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
