Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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