even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
