Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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