Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
